strong enough

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ&feature=related

Lord, you must think I'm strong, to give me what I'm going through. Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do. On my own. I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm suppose to be, I give up, I'm not strong enough. Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord, right now I'm asking you to be strong enough, for the both of us. Well maybe, maybe that's the point, to reach the point of giving up. Cause when I'm finally, finally at rock bottom well, that's when I start looking up and reaching out. I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm suppose to be, I give up, I'm not strong enough.  Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord, right now I'm asking you to be strong enough, for the both of us.

This song has been what I went to for strength so many times. It's exactly how I feel! I know I have only made it this far because of the good Lord and the strength he has provided me to have. At times I have still just sat and cried and begged the Lord to just let me use his shoulder to cry on and wrap his arms around me so I will know he is there. Some days I still felt like God was nowhere to be found although I knew better, but I wouldn't allow him to help me through some days. I would be so angry. I'll be honest at first I was angry with myself, I kept blaming myself, then I started being angry with God, I felt like he had just gave me this wonderful blessing that I had waited for and then ripped the rug right out from underneath me! All I could do was ask WHY? Why would he do this.. then I went back to blaming myself. I made myself believe he took that baby away from me because of me, I  just thought on all the things I had done and blamed me.. I just knew I had done something to upset God so bad that he ripped my dream away. 

Was any of this true that was in my head?.. No, God didn't want to punish me or hurt me. Things happen and in this life were going to be tested, and were going to have trials. I believe what happened to me was for many reasons. It brought me and my husband so much closer, we seen a side of each other that had never been shown before. I learned how God had no respect of person. It doesn't matter if you have been serving him for 50 years or if you haven't even met him and took him as your savior... he has no respect of person. He will bless them just as well as the saint. Imagine if he didn't, no one would ever come to him.

God let me know he was with me so many times and he has promised me that I will sing "Amazing Grace" to my little one some day. It may have been one of the sweetest things I ever heard from him. With that I must be strong enough and not give up. I have faith that he will bless me and my husband with a beautiful healthy baby one day and I will do my best to raise it up in a good God fearing home. Sometimes promises are all we have, and when God makes a promise there is no going back on it. He will do what he says. :)