Sunday, September 30, 2012

as the rain fell....

So did they....
As I was driving home yesterday in the pouring rain, the tears began to fall. I couldn't stop them, I just bawled all the way home. I can't even pin point on one reason why I was crying, especially so hard but all the same, they fell. I just can't hardly take all that's going on right now.. I feel like I am in a never ending whirl wind. Anyone else around in this rut? I just feel like I can't go any further in anything, not in life, not spiritually, not in any way!! I'm just STUCK. I want out! 

How am I suppose to get past all that's going on? I'm deeply hurting from all this mental, emotional pain. At this point grieving the loss isn't it, I've excepted the fact that we lost the baby and I'm okay with it now I guess... I mean, I can't change what happened.. Now it's more of the fact that we have been trying this long and nothing has come of it. I already suffered the loss and now I'm suffering not getting that back. I just want a baby! I want our family to be started already! We planned to already have a kid by now.

Then there is the problems that's been going on with my husband and his job. He has been breaking out from work for months now and he was finally sent to a dermatologist to have patch testing.  He's pretty much allergic to everything in his work environment! Seriously?.. we can't afford to loose his job anytime soon! It's all just to much and I can't hardly stand it. Tears and anger is all I have left in me at this point. I'm sorry for my bitterness but I can't seem to make it go away. 

I feel like giving up is my only option.. but I've got to keep going.

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