Tuesday, April 17, 2012

an overview

Me and my husband met in June of '09.
December 25th of '09 he asked me to be his wife :)!
Of course I said "YES!"
We tied the knot on December 4th of 2010.
We had a very nice wedding and a wonderful honeymoon.
On February 18th of 2011 (2 months into our marriage) we decided to try for a baby.
As most people we expected it to happen very soon, I mean who thinks they will have problems getting pregnant?
Marched passed by with no luck and then came April. 
I was 6 days late and we were so anxious. 
But as the days went on we realized it was just another unlucky month. 

So we started house shopping and within a short time found out dream home and bought it. 
We signed the papers May 27th and automatically started staying at our new home. 
we were completely moved in within 2 days. 
As May passed with all our house excitement there was still no luck for a baby.
June came and I kept feeling strange, I was pretty sure this month was it just needed proof.
It was nearing toward the end of June and I had been feeling funny for weeks so I decided to take a test.  
I walked into the bathroom to check and sure enough I seen.. "//" (two pink lines)!!
I was so excited I didn't know what to do. 
My husband was at work so I decided to bake a cake and write,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE A DAD! 
He came home and I was soo nervous he opened the cake pan lid and looked at me and said, "Really?!" I told him yes and showed him the test. 
He held me for what seemed like forever and game me a kiss and then he admired the test for a while. 

A week or so had passed and it was time for me to go to the doctor. 
I was so nervous since I had never had anything really done to me at the OBGYN, and you hear horrid things about DR's. 
They gave me a pregnancy test and it was of course positive and then we went to the ultrasound room. As the dr. moved the thing around he couldn't see anything but the yolk sack, he informed us that it was just to early to see the baby and he was guessing me around 6 weeks with the way I was measuring but we wouldn't know the due date until he had the baby's measurements. 
Around a week late we were in walmart and I felt something and told my husband I'd be right back that I needed to go to the restroom.
I knew something felt weird, sure enough I seen blood. 
It was a pretty good amount but only happened the one time. 
I decided not to call the doctors but as the days went by I kept worrying. 
So I called and they asked me to come in. 
They did another ultrasound and as before still couldn't see the baby but the yolk sack was there and I was still measuring around 5 weeks.
Several weeks passed and it was time for another check up, I was suppose to be about 7 weeks or so. As they did the ultrasound the baby measured at 6 weeks and 2 days. 
Everything appeared to be just fine. 
Before we knew it I was 10 weeks and it was time to hear baby's heart beat.
We went in and the nurse had a hard time finding the baby's heart beat and when she did it was very faint and was only 110 beats per minute. 
I automatically grew worried but husband insisted to not stress over it that I was fine and so was baby. 
Another week passed and I was just sitting around the house and decided I'd go to bed but needed to pee first. This time I was bleeding heavily and was very scared. Woke up my husband and I cried all night was in a panic..
Called the doctor the next morning and they told me to rush in. 
As they did the ultrasound they found no heart beat and said the baby quit growing at 7 weeks and I was suppose to be 11 weeks. 
me and my husband held ourselves together as the nurses were in there but when they walked out he just held me and we both broke into tears. 
All the way home we sobbed.
we were in denial that whole day and I wanted to actually see my doctor the next morning. 
I had contractions all that evening and night.
Seen my doctor the next morning and confirmed I was infact going to miscarry and that a D&C was the best way to go. 
I had never had surgery so I was a nervous mess. 
I had the D&C and everything went back to normal. 
We said good bye to our miracle August 25, 2011.

It has been 8 months and I am still deeply wounded. 
Me and my husband have been trying for a little over 6 months since the baby passed and still no luck. 

I know God has a plan and it's in his time but it's hard when we want our time to be the right time. 

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